how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
