I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize