I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
