??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
