The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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