Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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