oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
