fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
