I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
