I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
