I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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