i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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