My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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