oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
