He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
