good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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