so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
