he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize