That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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