Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
