So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
