can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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