I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
