Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
