What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
