you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You are the jesus of drinking
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
