if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
