My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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