my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
please come you make the beer taste better
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
