Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
