Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
