She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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