Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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