I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I can text with my tongue
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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