5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
