she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
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