He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
