How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My bed smells like the plague
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
