why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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