Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
