too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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