I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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