you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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