So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize