K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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