I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I think I won the penis lottery.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
