Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
