i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
