Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
