my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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