When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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