My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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