I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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