no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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