Sry I called you an 8
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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