i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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