Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
