Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
