I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
