There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
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