i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Randomize
