I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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