never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
