In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I didn't shave. On purpose
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize