i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
