I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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