Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
