haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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