It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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