Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
