I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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