It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Floor bacon is actually really good
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
