We're like a lot better than the average bears
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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