did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
