i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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