I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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