with your own penis?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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