Tell her she can't have a vagina
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
