Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
