You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
