Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
