I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
