He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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