I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
