I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
