Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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