Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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