i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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