I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
