Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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