i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
