Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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