I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
