I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
